He Must Increase: John 3 for Fathers

What the Text Says

A Pharisee named Nicodemus, “a ruler of the Jews,” comes to Jesus at night and acknowledges him as “a teacher come from God” because of the signs he performs (Jn 3:1-2). Jesus answers with something Nicodemus was not expecting: “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born anew, he cannot see the kingdom of God” (Jn 3:3). Nicodemus takes this literally, asking how a grown man can re-enter his mother’s womb (Jn 3:4). Jesus clarifies: “unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God,” contrasting what is born of flesh with what is born of the Spirit, and comparing the Spirit’s movement to wind, heard but not fully traceable (Jn 3:5-8).

When Nicodemus, a recognized teacher himself, still asks “How can this be?” Jesus presses him further, saying that he and his followers testify to what they have actually seen, yet are not believed, and that if Nicodemus cannot accept earthly examples, he will not grasp heavenly ones either (Jn 3:9-12). Jesus then points forward to his own crucifixion, comparing it to Moses lifting up the serpent in the wilderness, “so must the Son of man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life” (Jn 3:14-15). Then comes the verse that summarizes the whole Gospel in miniature: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (Jn 3:16). Jesus makes clear his purpose is not to condemn the world but to save it, though whoever does not believe stands condemned already, and the real dividing line is whether a person loves the light or prefers darkness so their deeds are not exposed (Jn 3:17-21).

The scene shifts to John the Baptist, still baptizing, whose own disciples grow uneasy that people are now flocking to Jesus instead (Jn 3:22-26). John’s response is a model of humility: “No one can receive anything except what is given him from heaven… I have been sent before him,” comparing himself to the friend of the bridegroom who rejoices to hear the bridegroom’s voice rather than compete with him (Jn 3:27-29). He sums up his entire mission in one line: “He must increase, but I must decrease” (Jn 3:30). The chapter closes by affirming that the one who comes from above is above all, and “he who believes in the Son has eternal life” (Jn 3:31-36).

What the Church Teaches

Being “born anew” of water and the Spirit is not a metaphor for a feeling. It is the Church’s own language for the sacrament of Baptism. CCC 1215 teaches that Baptism is “the washing of regeneration and renewal by the Holy Spirit,” drawing directly on this conversation with Nicodemus, and CCC 1216 calls this same washing “enlightenment,” because the one who receives it is enlightened in understanding. CCC 1225-1228 further develop the Church’s teaching on Baptism as a real share in Christ’s death and resurrection, building on the new birth Jesus describes here.

John 3:16 is treated by the Church as a summary of the entire plan of salvation, God’s own initiative of love that precedes any merit on our part. CCC 219 teaches that God’s love for his people is compared to a father’s love, a mother’s love, and a bridegroom’s love, a love proven definitively when the Father gives up his own Son, exactly as John 3:16 states. CCC 458 places the Incarnation itself as flowing from this same love, “that we might know God’s love.”

The distinction between light and darkness in this chapter is treated as a real, moral distinction, not a poetic device. CCC 2470-2471 teach that a disciple of Christ is called to live in the truth openly, bearing witness to it, rather than concealing wrongdoing, the same contrast Jesus draws here between the one who does evil and hides from the light and the one who comes into it.

John the Baptist’s humility, “he must increase, but I must decrease,” is held up by the Church as the pattern of every true vocation that serves Christ rather than competing with him. CCC 719 again places John as the model precursor whose entire identity is defined by pointing toward someone greater than himself.

Personal Reflection: For Fathers

(This section is personal reflection and pastoral application, not a restatement of defined Church teaching. If a real question about your own conversion or your role in your family’s faith is surfacing here, bring it to confession or a conversation with a priest or trusted mentor rather than treating this reflection as a ruling.)

Nicodemus comes to Jesus at night, a detail John does not include by accident. He is a respected teacher, and he is not ready to be seen asking questions in the light of day. Many fathers carry a version of the same instinct: real doubts, real struggles with faith or with their own failures as a husband and father, kept hidden even from their own household, visited only in private, quiet hours rather than brought honestly into the light. Jesus does not turn Nicodemus away for coming at night. He meets him exactly there and tells him the truth anyway: real change, being “born anew,” is available to him too, teacher and ruler though he is.

The line that should shape a father’s whole approach to leading his household, though, comes from John the Baptist, not from Jesus directly: “He must increase, but I must decrease.” A father’s authority in the home is real, but it is not the point. It exists to raise children who know Christ, not children who simply know their father. There is a version of fatherhood that quietly competes for the center of a family’s attention and loyalty, and there is the version modeled here: standing near enough to rejoice at hearing someone else’s voice grow louder in your children’s lives, namely Christ’s, even as your own visible role recedes as they mature.

And underneath all of it sits John 3:16, the reminder that the entire pattern of self-giving love a father is called to imitate did not start with him. God gave his only Son first. Whatever sacrificial love you extend to your wife and children is not the origin of that love. It is a reflection of a gift already given to you.

Call to Action

Bring one hidden doubt or struggle you have been carrying privately, like Nicodemus at night, into the light this week: confession, a trusted friend, or an honest conversation with your wife. And in one specific way this week, decrease your own visibility so that Christ increases more clearly for your children, whether that means stepping back from being the one with all the answers or actively pointing them toward prayer instead of toward yourself.

Doctrinal note: Claims above are tied to CCC 219, 458, 719, 1215, 1216, 1225-1228, and 2470-2471. Translation used: RSV-CE. Please confirm any point you plan to teach publicly with a priest, deacon, or trusted catechist before publishing.

Read Next

If you are raising a son or discipling a young man, share this companion lesson: Come to the Light: John 3 for Young Men.